Right Said Fred
by amythis
Summary: Fred Starchild is a seer of love.


"Attention! The carnival will be closing in two minutes!"

"Where are they?" impatiently asks Jonathan, who doesn't know it but he was Sir Isaac Newton in a past life.

"Yeah, Tony's our ride home," says his grandmother Mona, who was Cleopatra.

"I can take you," offers Mrs. Rossini (Octavia Minor, wife to Mark Antony).

"I'll wait for Tony," Mona says.

"Sam, you're the last person who saw him," Jonathan says. "What did he say?"

Sam (among other lives, my lover in ancient Babylon) sighs and says, "OK, this is just between the four of us." She glances at me. "Five."

"It's OK," say I. (Too many lives to mention, but the dog who played Toto in _The Wizard of Oz_ was my favorite). "I already know."

"He's psychic," she explains to Mrs. Rossini.

"Yeah, so where are Tony and Angela?"

"Let me concentrate."

Mona sighs. "This could take all night."

She's a doubter, but that's all right. I close my eyes and try to clear my mind. "OK, after he sent me away, Tony [Christopher Columbus] and Sam talked about how Angela [Queen Elizabeth I] loves him, and he admitted to Sam that he feels the same way. But he also said he's afraid of losing her, and then Sam said he might lose her anyway. And then there were these nuns."

"Nuns?!" Mona says.

Sam explains, "Yeah, Sister Mary Francis came up and kissed Dad because she hadn't seen him in years. And the fortune-telling lady had said that the last woman Dad kisses before midnight will be his forever."

"The carnival has now closed!" says the announcer (Millard Fillmore).

"I hope Tony found Angela in time!" Mrs. Rossini exclaims.

"Yeah, otherwise that's going to be an awkward ride home," Mona says.

"So did he find her and kiss her?" Jonathan eagerly asks me.

"Jonathan, you believe in this hocus-pocus?"

"Grandma, you're the one always talking about Fate bringing them together."

"Yeah, well, I've been rethinking that. If Fate's throwing nuns at Tony, she can't be in any hurry to get him together with Angela."

"Please, Fred?" Jonathan says. "Can you see what happened?"  
I concentrate again. _I see Angela getting into a swan boat at the Tunnel of Love. Tony runs up in time to board the next swan. Then he jumps into her swan. They talk for awhile, and then he jumps knee-deep into the water. He gets back into their swan, they talk some more and then he admits he loves her. They talk a bit more, and then they kiss. And kiss and kiss._

_Then the lights go out and the carnival is closed. She says they could be locked in there all night._

"Well?" everyone demands, even Mona.

"They're stuck."

"Stuck?!"

"On one of the rides."

"Which one?" Mrs. Rossini says.

I don't feel like breaking into their privacy. I feel guilty having spied on them with my powers. "It's, uh, the top of the Ferris wheel."

"Aah, let's leave them," Mona says. "Maybe they'll be forced to finally do something."

"It's like the Wheel of Fortune!" Mrs. Rossini says, and I'm impressed. "Not the one with Vanna, but la Ruota della Fortuna."

"But Mom gets scared of heights sometimes."

"Look," Sam says, "it's after midnight. If kissing her was going to change anything, it's either happened by now or it hasn't."

"OK, let's go rescue them," Mona says wearily.

"And if they don't want to be rescued, I'll give you all a ride home."

"Thanks, Mrs. Rossini," Sam and Jonathan say. Mona just looks annoyed, and I'm distracted by unsought images of Tony and Angela kissing in the Tunnel of Love.

_As we all head towards the Ferris wheel, and I hope that I'll be inspired by another lie that will give the new couple more privacy, I hear Tony and Angela whispering for "help." They soon give up and kiss some more. _I don't know what I'll do if they get more intimate, although I know (from my memories of Coney Island in the 1920s) there's only so much you can comfortably do in a swan boat.

_Angela's wearing a pretty floral off-the-shoulder sundress. (I had one like it in my last life.) Even in the dark, I can see Tony start to caress and then kiss her shoulders. She grips his short hair by the roots._

"There they are!" Jonathan exclaims, snapping me out of my trance. He's pointing at the top of the Ferris wheel, where there actually is a couple stuck way at the top.

"My apologies, Fred, for doubting you."

"No problem, Mona," I say, although I'm now doubting myself. What were my visions? An alternate reality?

"Don't worry!" Sam yells up into the air. "We'll get you down in no time!"

"Unless they want to be left alone," says Mrs. Rossini.

"Sam? Is that you?" says a male voice that's younger and higher than Tony's.

"Mason?"

"Nice going, Fred," Mona says, hitting my arm. "You found one of Sam's ex-boyfriends."

"He was never my boyfriend."

"She just kissed him when she was going steady with Jesse."

"Thanks, Jonathan."

"Mason," says the girl on the wheel (I don't know her current identity, but she was Marion Davies last time), "who are these people?"

"I'll explain when they rescue us."

"So you do want to be rescued?" Mrs. Rossini asks.

"Yes, please, before I vomit all over my date."

"Or us," Jonathan says. "I'll go try to find one of the carnies."

While he's gone, the three women on the ground discuss the couple in the air. And I'm thinking of water.

"_Angela," Tony says, taking his hands and mouth off her bare shoulders, "I think we both know where this is leading."_

_She sits up. "Right. And you're still not done with school. And this swan boat isn't that comfortable."_

"_Yeah, and everyone's gonna wonder where we are. Especially since I brought all of us, except Mrs. Rossini, to the carnival in my Jeep."_

"_Oh, right."_

"_Since my jeans are already soaked, I'll wade towards the exit and see if I can open it from the inside."_

"_You want me to wait here by myself?"_

"_Angela, I'm pretty sure we're alone. If there were any Carnival Killers, they would've struck by now."_

"_No, I mean I should go with you. In case you have to break down the door."_

"_Sure, whatever. Do you want me to carry you, so your dress doesn't get soaked?"_

"_No, that's all right." She stands up and ties her skirt so that it's around her hips. She has great legs!_

_I know Tony thinks so, too, because he says, "Or we could just let Mrs. Rossini drive everybody home and we can wait till morning."_

_She smiles down at him. "We should make an honest effort to rescue ourselves."_

"_OK, OK." He jumps into the water again, then helps her down, but his arms stay wrapped around her. They kiss for awhile and I really feel like a voyeur._

Then Jonathan returns with one of the carnies, breaking my trance.

"You know," the carny (formerly P.T. Barnum) says, as he eats a sandwich, "we always check on the rides after the carnival closes. There was no need to rush me over here."

"There's a need!" Mason vomits over the side of his car.

We all jump back just in time. Well, I anticipate it so I jump early. The carny seems unfazed. He starts up the wheel again and gets Mason and the girl back on solid ground.

"Goodnight, Mason. Thank you for an interesting evening." The girl storms off.

"Can I call you?" he yells after her.

"Sweet girl," Sam observes.

"She is. This just isn't one of my better dates."

"I know the feeling. Um, no offence, Fred."

"None taken."

"Fred? What happened to Matt?"

"Oh, you heard about Matt."

"Yeah, rumor has it you're engaged."

"Well, that's an old rumor."

"She's out with Fred tonight," Jonathan points out.

"And how did you two meet?"

"We were lovers in ancient Babylon," I say.

"I see."

"But that was a thousand years ago," Sam says.

"Actually, that would be more like four thousand years ago."

"Thanks, Mason. Anyway, we met in the dorms in this lifetime. How did you meet, um?"

"Susie was my teaching assistant."

"Mason is a very young college instructor," Mona explains.

"Can we do introductions later? We still haven't found Tony &amp; Angela!" Mrs. Rossini sounds really worried. Should I tell her of my visions and try to set her mind at ease? Or is it better to say nothing?

Before I can decide, Tony and Angela come running up. She's let down her dress again.

"Where were you?" Jonathan and the women demand.

"Uh, we were stuck," Tony says.

"On a ride," Angela says.

Jonathan and the women look at me, very impressed.

"Yeah? I was stuck on the Ferris wheel. Where were you two stuck?"

"Us?" Tony says. "The, uh, Tilt-a-Whirl."

"I just went by the Tilt-a-Whirl and I didn't see anybody," says the carny.

"Well, you know," Angela says, "there are those big hoods, and you might not have seen us in the dark."

"So you and Tony were hiding behind one of those big hoods?" Mona says. "In the dark?"

"All this time?" Mrs. Rossini says.

"No, not all this time," Tony says defensively.

"Dad, why are your jeans wet?"

"Well, I fell in."

"In what?" Jonathan asks.

"In water."

"Yeah, I think we pieced that together," Mona says.

"You see, Tony jumped out of our Tilt-a-Whirl car and landed in the pond."

"The pond's not anywhere near the Tilt-a-Whirl," the carny says.

"It could've been a big puddle. I couldn't tell in the dark."

"Could somebody please take me home?" Mason says. "I don't feel well."

"You poor thing! I can take you," offers Mrs. Rossini.

"Bless you, you sweet motherly person!"

They say goodnight to everyone and then, as Mrs. Rossini leads him away, Angela asks, "What was Mason doing here?"

"It's one of the many strange events that have occurred tonight," Jonathan says.

"Speaking of," Mona says, "Angela, might I have a word with you?"

"Yeah, Dad, step over here a minute."

Both pairs move out of hearing range, in opposite directions. That leaves me, Jonathan, and the carny, who asks, "Is this gonna take long? 'Cause I really should be closing up."

"Go ahead and check on the other rides," I tell him. "They'll all be done by the time you return."

The carny gives me a funny look.

"Trust him. Fred is a psychic."

The carny nods uncertainly but heads off.

"So what are they saying?" Jonathan asks.

"You really trust my psychic powers?"

"OK, so you were off on what ride Mom and Tony were stuck on. And which couple was on the Ferris wheel. But you know more than I do about what's going on."

I nod. "OK, which one do you want me to tune in first?"

"Mom and Grandma. Mom's more open about her feelings about Tony than he is about his feelings about her.

"OK."

"_Well, Angela, what happened?"_

"_What do you think happened, Mother?"_

"_Well, if it's anything like the last seven years, nothing!"_

_Angela sighs wearily._

"_Oh, I'm sorry, Dear." _

"_He loves the watch."_

"_Well, that's a start. Maybe in another seven years, he can work his way up to loving a hat."_

"Well?"

"He loves the watch."

"I know that!"

I shrug.

"OK, eavesdrop on Tony and Sam."

"_So did you kiss her?"_

"_Sam, a gentleman doesn't discuss these things."_

"_Dad?"_

"_Yeah. I kissed her."_

"_All right!"_

"_But, you know, I've kissed her before."_

"_But this was different. She's yours forever now, right?"_

"_Forever's a long time, Sam. Who knows what the future holds?"_

"I do," I say out loud.

"You do what?"

"I know what the future holds."

"So it's not just the past and the present? You can predict the future?"

"Yeah, sometimes." I can see Tony and Angela sinking into water, deeper this time. I hope they don't drown!

"So am I going to get a serious girlfriend soon?"  
"Not till college."

"Oh."

Then the other four return. Tony says, "It's late. We've stayed way too long past closing."

"Yeah, we don't want to get locked in here," I say, then bite my tongue.

He shoots me a glance, as if wondering how much I know. But he just says, "Come on, Everybody. You, too, Fred."

So he drives us back to the house most of them live in. Then Sam and I say goodnight and go to her car. We don't talk much on the way back to the dorms, both lost in thought.

After she parks the car, she says, "Sorry this was such a weird first date ."

"I had fun."

"You did?"

"Well, yeah, carnivals are always fun."

"I guess. You wanna try again sometime? Maybe without my family? And Mason."

"I'm very flattered, Sam. You're a great girl. But I just don't see a future for us."

"Well, I guess you would know."

"Yeah."

"So what do you see in my future?"

"Well, I think you're gonna be married in the next six months."

"Married? What, do I get back with Matt?"

"No, this is someone you haven't even met yet."

"OK then."

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"Let's say I believe you enough that I don't want you telling my dad and having him freak out."

"Don't worry. Sometimes I can use my powers in strict confidence."

"Fred, what did you really see my dad and Angela doing?"

I shake my head.

"This is one of those confidential times, isn't it?"

"Right."

THE END


End file.
